23-May-2017

I tried to write a poem about what I feel right now but nothing comes to mind. I guess my thoughts are in chaos.

I really hate this feeling when I don’t want to feel something but I JUST can’t help feeling it. Too much feels…

Jealousy is ALWAYS so overwhelming I can’t even breath properly. I just want to take the deepest breath I can just to ease whatever this is that burdens me. It’s exhausting, honestly. If I can just go for a counseling regarding this I would. I just feel like the fear of losing him can eventually be the reason for him to leave me.

There were so many unwelcome thoughts that constantly haunt me. They MAKE me feel so unsure of what I can really offer in this relationship.

I’m starting to hate myself for being like this. I’m trying so hard to be the perfect girl by suppressing this feeling as much as possible but I don’t think that would be fair to him. Of all the self-help articles I’ve read regarding relationships, communication is a constant in all of them. So that’s what I’m always trying to do and we end up arguing. I really don’t know if open communication is helping us but IT definitely is helping me ease the lump that’s preventing me to breath properly.

All I want is to be the girl he truly deserves, someone who wouldn’t act like the way I’m acting RIGHT now.

Please help me. I badly need one…